HAND JOB is a work of fiction. Any resemblance between its characters and persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

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Mickey Sixfingers was always small for his age. I suppose a psychologist might tell us that is why he always strove to be first in every endeavor and make sure all sure everyone knew about it.

Mickey was the first kid in his class to smoke, to drink liquor, to get expelled, and even to get laid. The latter was courtesy of Fat Becky who’d become the class whore. Young Mickey gave Becky his milk money. Fat Becky gave him the clap. Mickey was always good a getting the wrong end of the deal.

Mickey’s deformity -- the six fingers on each hand -- was really not the reason the other kids loathed him and nicknamed Michael Haberski, Hand Job. Still, his six fingers added a certain extra bit of credibility to his nick. It was Mickey constant self-promotion of himself and his somewhat questionable accomplishments that really earned him the nickname. What better name for a kid who pleasures himself with himself than Hand Job?

Young Mickey was not the brightest of kids. Sometimes the other bigger and brighter kids did take advantage of him. Take the time in middle school. Mickey was feeling pretty tough. He was big for his class because he was rather old for the grade. Mickey wanted to be part of Big Vinny’s gang, The Avengers.

Big Vinny was a couple years younger than Mickey though much bigger than Mickey as well as half the adult population of Louisville. At this point in life, Vinny was one tough kid but with a sense of humor. Some say this episode foreshadows Vinny finding faith, playing football for Notre Dame and finding a place in the priesthood.

Vinny and his boyz hung out in the parking lot near Sari’s Quickie Mart which was just down the street from the campus of Moore Middle School which they all attended on occasion when they weren‘t suspended. Actually, it had been Vinny who set Mickey up with his cousin Fat Becky well knowing she had the clap. Even after getting the clap, Mickey worshiped Big Vinny.

Vinny mostly tolerated Mickey. Who doesn’t appreciate fans. Still Vinny, had it in for Mickey for short changing Becky. One day he says to Mickey.

“Hand Job, How’d ya like be an Avenger?”

Mickey was awe struck. “Geez, Vinny, dat would be great. I’m small but know I can handle it. You won’t regret dis.”, he replied.

“Cool. We’ll be having the initiation ceremony in the woods in back of Sari’s right after school. All the boys will be there. Capiche?

“Sure Vinny, I’ll be there. Hope you guys don’t get too rough on me.”, replied Mickey

“Nah, Hand Job. We don’t go in for rough stuff among the gang. We save that for punks. The initiation will be a piece of cake for ya.”, assured Vinny.

Mickey was doubly reassured by a confirming nod and what he took as friendly smile from Quiet Willy who seldom said anything but was always at Vinny’s side.

Later that day Mickey cut through the lot in back of the Sunoco to the woods in back of Sari’s Quickie Mart. Another of the Avengers in his black jacket was waiting for him at the edge of the wood.

“Good to see ya, Hand Job. The other guys are all here. Let me show ya the way.”, offered Smiling Wally with his trademark grin.

“Tanks Wally. Sorry to be a little late. Caught detention again from that bastard Mr. Ryder.”, groused Mickey.

“No problem, Mickey. We’d heard you told him to shut up right in class. You’re our kind of guy, Hand Job.”

Soon they were at the clearing where a half dozen other Avengers in black jackets were gathered smoking and talking quietly among themselves. None was less than a head taller than little Mickey Sixfingers.

“Yo Hand Job. Glad to see ya made it.”, called Fast Freddy teasingly. “Hear that son of a bitch, Ryder, gave ya detention again for nuttin.”

“Yea, Freddy that bastard is all over my ass ever day. Someone should do sumthin about him.”, returned Mickey trying to use his words to give him the authority his modest frame couldn’t.

“Okay guys, you know what we’re here for. We got to initiate Mickey into the world of obedience and respect. You guys shut up and I’ll put Hand Job through the paces.”, put in Big Vinny who then waited for Mickey to be led up to him and the others to gather on his right and left.

“Hand Job”, this is all about obedience and respect….

Mickey interrupted. “Could ya call me Mickey or Sixfingers, Big Vinny. No disrespect, but I don’t like that nick, Hand Job.

“Sure Sixfingers. Now like I was saying a team…a gang… is all about obedience and respect. Each of the Avenger knows I’m the leader. I make the plans and I give the orders. You follow me, Sixfingers?

“Sure Vinny. You da boss. No problem wit dat for me.”, replied Mickey.

“Good! This little ceremony we came up with will give you a chance to show that respect. Some of the boys call it “Vinny Says” because its like “Simon Says” but for real guys not kids. You understand about “Simon Says“, Sixfingers?”

“Sure Vinny, I was the champion of dat in fifth grade.”, lied Mickey who could have sworn he heard a muffled laugh on his right but kept his eyes focused on Vinny.

“Some of these things may seem silly but that’s the point, Sixfingers. In the field whatever I say you do without question. Get it?

“Sure Vinny won‘t have to tell me twice.”, replied Mickey respectfully.

“Okay”, started Big Vinny, “Big Vinny says put your hands on your head and keep them there till I tell you otherwise.”

Mickey respectfully complied immediately.

“Big Vinny says bark like a dog.”

“Bow wow woof woof”, returned Mickey.

“Big Vinny says kneel down on your knees in front of me.”, ordered Vinny.

Mickey did as he was told.

“Now meow and purr like a pussy cat.”

“Meow Meow purrrrrrrrrrrrrr”, returned Mickey with a reasonable impersonation of a cat.

Listen to what I say Mickey. It’s important you always listen. Ya didn’t have to do that. I didn’t say “Vinny says”. You sure you was the fifth grade champion at this?, scolded Vinny suppressing a smile.

“Sorry Vinny”, returned Mickey sincerely.

“Did I say “Vinny says reply?”, Sixfingers. You just keep your mouth shut and do exactly what I say. Capiche?

Mickey didn’t fall for the “Capiche?” trick. He kept his mouth shut and just gazed up at Vinny towering above him.

“That’s better, Sixfingers”, said Vinny suddenly dropping his pants. “Vinny says kiss my dick”

Mickey hesitated.

“Don’t worry, Mickey. It’s not like I’m asking you to suck it. We don’t need cock suckers in our gang.”

Reassured, Mickey silently leaned forward and kissed the tip of the proffered penis.

Vinny had further plans but Fast Freddy couldn’t control himself any longer and gave the game away.

“Jesus Christ the dumb mother fucker actually did it. He actually kissed Vinny’s cock.

“I told you guys he would”, laughed Vinny. “This little pussy would do anything if he thought it would make him one of us….

Get the hell out of here, Hand Job, we don’t need cock suckers or cock kissers around us.”

Mickey was stunned. He just knelt there hands still on his head for some moments as the realization he’d been conned by the Avengers slowly sunk into his brain. One of the guys on Mickey’s right gave him a dismissive kick in the ass.

“Vinny says get the hell out of here, Hand Job. How could a little punk like you think we wanted you to be one of us? Scoot little pussy cat.”

The episode is the clearing was hard on Mickey. The aftermath was even worse. The next day word spread like lightning around the school of the con The Avengers had pulled on Hand Job. For the rest of the school year which was the rest of Mickey‘s school career, Mickey often heard people woofing and meowing behind his back and sometimes even to his face.

Even Mr. Ryder cracked a joke in his English class about the importance of always behaving like humans not cats and dogs. The joke would have been so so under normal circumstances. However the whole class knew the Avenger story and roared with laughter.

Only Fat Becky showed any sympathy for Mickey in the days following the Avenger incident.

“They call me a whore and a cock sucker too, Mickey. Fuck them all I say.”, counseled Becky.

TO BE CONTINUED